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Feng Shui Cures for Grief:
Letting Go of Loved Ones

by Moni Castaneda

The greatest suffering in my life has come, not from the people who abused me or wanted me ill, but from being apart from or witnessing the suffering of the people I love the most.

One such occasion occurred two decades ago, when we found out that my dear aunt Cecilia, who was like a mother to me, had internal bleeding in her skull, and needed to have brain surgery. Twenty years ago, the risks of such a surgery were considerably higher than what they are today.

I remember standing in a hospital hallway, waiting for news from the operating room, feeling a part of me was dying from the fear of losing her. That day I understood what shamans mean when they say “soul loss” and why there is a need for soul retrieval.

  beloved aunt Cecilia
    My Aunt Cecilia

At the time, I had already started my own healing path, but I was not yet aware of the need to keep healthy energetic boundaries -- even with the people we love the most. If I had known about this, I would have shielded myself in a way that still allowed me to connect with her and assist her, but keeping my own energy up.

My aunt recovered well that time, and went on to live a healthy and happy life until last Friday, when she passed on after a six week hospital stay. Her passing was the last one on a list of events that have really challenged my ability to raise my vibration, and keep it up, since the start of the Year of the Horse.

As the year of the horse started, I knew to be alert, because my father, my brother, my husband, my first son, and my aunt Cecilia were ALL born in horse years.

When the animal year of your birth comes along, it is time for you to evaluate energetically your previous 12 year cycle and prepare for the next, and thus it is a time for vulnerability -- therefore it is a good year to practice impeccability.

Four days after the year of the horse started I fell on ice. It was that virtually invisible “black ice” that had formed on my driveway, right underneath the escape in my car. I didn’t break anything but did bruise my tailbone. That same week I learned that one of my dearest friends back in Ecuador had had a heart attack, followed by the news that a dear friend in Texas had just had major surgery.

Even though I was in pain from the fall, and had some emotional pain from the news about my friends, I was able to keep my own vibration high and saw my levels of general happiness stay quite level. My dear friend Bill Austin generously offered to send me healing energy, but I didn’t think I needed it, as I was improving in leaps and bounds from one day to the next.

Ten days after the fall, I was hit by a car. Irony of ironies, as I was driving to the gym that morning I was rehashing in my head the main points of the article I had written about a previous car accident. You can read it here.

Unlike the previous accident, when I was running late, and had an episode of intense rage overtake me and lower my vibration right before the accident, this time I was on time to teach a Zumba® class (I teach fitness classes because it is the only way to get myself to the gym more than just a couple of days per week), and was calmly waiting for a car ahead of me to back up so I could get the parking space, happily sitting on my tailbone safety cushion. That was when a humongous pick up truck to my left started backing up and wouldn’t stop even though I blew the horn repeatedly.

The bucket of the pickup truck hit my door head-on. The door completely went in, and then popped out almost completely as the truck pulled away. I felt like two gorillas were "gently" pushing me from one side to the other, and my tailbone was re-injured. Had my tailbone not been compromised already, I would have been just fine.

That afternoon, when my chiropractor husband told me I couldn’t teach Zumba® for the rest of the week, I cried uncontrollably. I could not stop crying all afternoon. It didn’t make sense, how upset I was. I mean, I love Zumba®, but it was clear that I really was not in a state where I could work out, much less teach a class, and usually I would have been OK with that.

That evening things started to make more sense. I got a message from my cousin telling me that dear aunt Cecilia had fallen in the morning and broken her hip. In fact, when I was hit by the car, they were putting her into an ambulance to take her to the hospital. This fall, was the last of a series of falls she’d had, of which I had not learned. When the doctors ran preliminary tests to check for my aunt’s condition before the surgery to repair her hip, they found a number of previously undetected health issues.

This time, I contacted Bill and told him I would gratefully accept the healing energy. Bill noticed that I had not set healthy energetic boundaries with my extended family, especially with my aunt Cecilia and my grandmother, who were like mothers to me, and whom I loved so dearly. Bill did a session to assist me to keep my vibration high while not disconnecting from them and still being able to respond to their needs.

Bill also suggested that I do his 21 Days to Skyrocket Your Vibration audio program, to assist me in clearing issues having to with my original family and helping me stay strong for what was to come. However, at the time I was doing a Detox program, so I could not start right away.

What followed were six weeks of roller coaster news from my homeland about my aunt and her needs. At times the doctors said we needed to prepare for the worst, then a few days later that she was responding really well and there was hope.

During the first four weeks I did really well, but after talking with my 93 year old grandmother and sensing how sad she was, I felt my vibration rapidly dropping. Up to this point, and in the middle of the things that had happened to me and around me, my vibration and level of happiness had not dropped. However, at this time I really felt I needed some help, so I finally started the 21 Days to Skyrocket YOUR Vibration audio program. It took about three days to bring my energy back up, but when I did, I started feeling my usual inner peace again, as well as my joy of life.

I was at my energetic peak when the news finally came in that my aunt had passed on.

Coping with Grief After a Loved One has Passed On

1. Allow yourself to feel the grief. If you feel like crying, cry. Crying helps relieve grief.

2. If you are unable to contact the grief listen to ballads or soft music that you know makes you feel sentimental.

3. Wear white instead of black and add white to your environment. Add a metal wind chime by your main entrance.

4. Add a little more spicy hot condiments to your foods, such as ginger, chili peppers, or curry.

5. Go for walks right before sunset if the weather allows and it feels safe to do. As an alternative, sit facing the West at sunset and practice deep abdominal breathing.

6. Get a photo of the person you have lost and put it in a beautiful frame. Then give it a special place in your home. Ideally, create a shrine or collection to honor your ancestors and closed friends that have passed on. However, do not place these photos in a bedroom, unless it is a guest bedroom.

feng shui magazine

We need to keep healthy energetic boundaries...

even with the people we love the most.

Nostalgia is that bitter sweet feeling that we have when we look at the past with no regrets.

One thing that surprises many people is that when you have been in a healing and clearing path for a long time and ave learned how to keep your energy field with a fast and strong vibration, when something bad happens you feel things just the same as before.

The pain, the sorrow -- they are the same.

The main difference that comes from healing and a high vibration is that you become able to bounce back faster.

The main difference that comes from healing and a high vibration is that you become able to bounce back faster.

When the news came, at 1:30 in the morning on a Saturday, it took about 30 minutes for the realization to sink in. Then I was hit with horrible physical pain of about half the joints in my body and even all my teeth, individually. I could hardly breath. I was thinking to myself “why does it hurt so much?” and I meant, physically, why did it hurt so much?

Our emotions connect our thoughts with our body, so it is actually not strange that often emotional pain can trigger physical pains in the body. In the middle of the night, I looked for a clearing and healing recording that could help me get at least some sleep. I listened to the Affirmations for the Life Areas recordings, and my energy quickly stabilized and I was able to go to sleep for a few hours until sunrise.

Grief and Metal

The emotion of grief is a negative expression of the metal element, but it is often a necessary stage of mourning. Other negative expressions of the metal element are despondency and cynicism. What a person feeling any of these negative emotions (grief, despondency or cynicism) needs to do is to transmute them into nostalgia.

Nostalgia is that bitter sweet feeling that we have when we look at the past with no regrets.

If you take a look at the grief that you have felt in the past or that you have witnessed other people have, a great component of that grief is regret. When you have done right by another person, been there for them if it was your duty or as an act of love, if you responded to their needs and loved them until the end -- then it is easy to start feeling nostalgia without a great passage through grief. When we have regrets, however, thoughts that we should have done better, or acted differently towards them, then our grief keeps us stuck in the moment so that we can address our unresolved feelings.

feng shui coping with grief

Just like most people who have had near death experiences report that there is a period of evaluation of life after a person passes on, I believe that every person for whom the loved one that has passed on was significant also goes through a process of evaluating their life, as pertains to that relationship. It is important that we give our attention to this need.

I did right by my aunt Cecilia. She did not have any children of her own, although she played important roles in the lives of most of her nieces and nephews. I was, however, the niece that was to her most like a daughter, and like a daughter I cared for her, even from a distance, in any way I could until the end. She gave me unconditional love, and she taught me to enjoy the good things in life. She loved life, and I have a sense that she is really happy now, and we are both OK.

Many Blessings!


P.S. Remember, the advice in this newsletter, website, books, videos, social media, etc. is not meant as, or to replace, medical or psychological treatment of any kind, nor to discourage you from getting such treatments.


This site designed and built by Monica P. Castaneda
© Monica P. Castaneda

Feng Shui is the ancient Chinese Art of Placement and has been in use throughout the Orient for thousands of years.
The complex wisdom of the Feng Shui aspects gathered in these web pages constitutes the dynamic experience of the author and are not necessarily intended to be the ultimate guide for using these principles. An investigation of these inspired words is meant to lead you to your own understanding of this complex wisdom. Neither the website nor the author make any claim for absolute effectiveness. The adoption and application of the advice or information offered is solely the readers' responsibility. None of the advice on this website, books, videos, audio recordings, and other products is intended to be medical or psychological treatment nor a replacement for such treatment. We do not dispense medical or psychological advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for medical or mental problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of this website is only to offer information of a general nature to help readers in their quest for spiritual wellbeing. If the reader chooses to use any of the information in this website as is the reader’s constitutional right, we assume no responsibility for the readers actions. Feng Shui for Us and Monica P. Castaneda are not responsible or liable in any manner for any loss or damages caused by following the suggestions in our articles, readings and other offerings or services.

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